Confused & Complicated.

I don't know how to start, and from where to start.

I am not a good writer. But, I just feel like writing down something.

I've changed a lot. Negative change.

Something has completely gone wrong with me.

I've started being very rude and impatient. Completely opposite to what I really am/was.

I've started  ignoring people a lot. 
I get 500 times more mood swings than I used to. I just eat,eat,eat,eat,eat,eat&eat only all the time. Shall I go to a doctor? -___-

Friends, family, acquaintances. .I just can't behave properly.
I go to college blankly, laugh all the time, come back home blankly and stay blank.

At times, I'm the same usual me and then suddenly this new me comes alive.

Maybe I'm surrounded by so much hatred that it makes me SO sick and tired of everything that I feel like killing everyone.

"There's only hate, there's only pain, there's only tears, there is no love here."

There was a time when I had a LOT of ACTUAL friends. Yes. But, not anymore.

And it's been quite a long time since I talked to someone with whom I can share everything and completely pour out everything. Someone whom I can hug and just cry in peace.

So my blog is being the 'shoulder-to-cry-on' right now. Though, I am not writing down anything clearly but I really don't care. There is so much going on inside my head that it makes me so mad.

I am not saying I'm alone or lonely. .but no one really understands me right now. And I don't even feel like making anyone understand how I really feel.
Earlier, I would just cry alone to take out all the anger, frustration, whatever it is.
But now I don't even cry, I just feel emotion-less.
I can't even figure out the reason behind all of this. Is it because school is over? Friends have changed? I have changed? Some guy problems? Am I still living in the past? Everyone has become weird? I have gone crazy? Or the world was supposed to end, but didn't? :s 
Since school got over, my life has become a boring piece of shit. And so have I.
I don't even feel like talking to anyone 'cause I've become so boring that I don't even have anything to talk about, so I'd rather not irritate the person and then get irritated myself. 
I don't feel like blogging also. I am blogging after so many months now. *sigh*

Memories? Good times? Better times? Nostalgia, I guess.

Maybe I haven't moved on. Or maybe I have.

Maybe I need to move on. Or maybe I just need a break.
I DON'T KNOW! :| I feel like banging my head on the wall all the time.

Also, I don't understand why people judge other people? No one really asked for your opinion. Then why poke your friggin' nose in others' business?
If I smile&laugh too much, they think I'm crazy.
If I stay normal and blank, they think I'm rude and stupid.
PEOPLE!!! "You know my name, not my story. .so don't judge me."

Anyone who reads this post would just probably think "So what? Happens with everyone"

Yes, I agree it happens with everyone. But when it happens to you, you just can't take it. Even if you take it, a saturation point comes when you just give up on everything and everyone.
( Oh wait! No one really reads my blog. :P )
Hmmppphhh.

And, I don't know why I get this sudden urge to blog only WHEN my exams are going on! >.< I'm  failing in my First set of Examinations in college. Wow! I'm such a failure in life.
Don't even know why I got into this course? why the hell am I screwing my own life? I don't know where I'm going with this life. Who am I? Why am I being like this? What should I do? Where should I go? Whom shall I go to? -.-'
"I just hide behind the tears of a clown."

There's so much confusion in my head, it's making my life complicated.

Just waiting for things to become better.
Trying to find the good old awesome 'me'
Endless wait.  

 

PS : This is to all the people who tell me "YOU'VE CHANGED" -

"If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"

My Bucket List.

[] - Go to USA

[] - Italy
[] -  London
[] - Paris

[] Kiss and dance under the Eiffel tower
[] - Brazil.
[] -   Explore India
[] - Set foot on all continents.
[] -   Go to Disney world
[] - Ride the biggest roller coaster
[] - Sleep under the stars

[] - Live alone

[] - Travel Solo

[x] - Spend an entire day in bed

[] - Miss a train/flight
[] - Spend the night in a haunted place
[] - Shoot a gun
[] - Ride a horse
[x] - Go on a cruise
[] - Learn how to surf
[] - Fly an airplane
[] - Give a public speech
[] - Run a marathon

[] - Date a celebrity

[] - Break the law

[] - Spend a day without any technology

[x] - Faint
[] - Ride a motor cycle
[] - Drive a truck.
[x] - Ride a scooter.
[] - Learn how to fish
[] - Watch the Top 50 movies of all time

[] Read the Top 10 novels of all time
[x] - Rock climbing.

[] - Bungee Jumping
[] - Sky dive
[] - Scuba Diving
[] - Hot-Air Balloon

[] - Live in the 'my kind of house'

[] - Have this huge party, dance all night, get drunk and go to work next day straight away.
[x] - Throw a pool party.

[] Party till sunrise

[] - Build a school

[x] - Get a permanent tattoo.

[] - Eye-brow piercing.
[] -  Take a picture everyday, for a year.
[] - Be part of a flashmob

[] - Learn : Photography
[] - Drums
[] - Milk a cow.
[] - Build a sand castle.

[] Make a dream catcher

[] Go on a trip with my school friends

[] Go on a trip with my guy

[] Try Vodka gummy bears

[] Send a msg in a bottle

[] Own a pair of raybans

[x] Receive a red rose

[] Receive a huuugeee bunch of red roses

[x] - Cut my hair short.

[] - Go bald.
[] - Get blue/maroon hair streaks.

[] - Meet my online friends

[x] - Meet Rahul Dravid.

[] - Hug Ranveer Singh.
[] - Go to a masquerade party

[] - Attend one REALLY huge rock concert.
[x] - Attend Arijit Singh LIVE.

[] - Attend Eminem
[] - Simple Plan

[x] - Crowd-surfing in a concert.

[] - Try each and every kind of Alcohol.
[x] - Go to a strip club.

[] - Shop till I drop.
[x] -   Let go of a floating lantern
[] - Go in a taxi and yell "follow that car"
[] - Wish on a shooting star
[] - Have a Harry Potter/TFIOS cake for my birthday
[] - Own a Macbook
[] - try every flavor of Baskin Robbins ice cream
[] - Redesign my bedroom
[x] -   Find the perfect black dress
[] - Smash a pie in someone'sface
[] -   Spill wine on someone
[] - Be spoiled on Valentine's day
[x] - Try starbucks
[x] - Write a love letter
[] - Get drunk on a plane
[] -  Have a perfectttt wedding
[] - Lay on the road in the middle of the night
[] - Leave this city
[] - Lay in a hammock on beach
[] - Have a glowstick fight
[] - Go to and airport and buy tickets to a random place
[] - Watch fire works from inside a plane

[] - Own a Jaguar car.

[] - Adopt a puppy. (Black labrador)

[] - Collection of all my favorite movies and cartoon series & sitcoms.

[] - Give to a charity.

[] - Audition for MTV Roadies.

[] - Spend sometime getting my body into optimum shape.
[] - Ask out a crush.
[x] - Kiss a girl.

[] - Explore sexuality
[] - Sing Karaoke

[] - Spend New Year on the beach.

[x] - See the sunrise at beach.
[] - Date on the beach
[] - Kiss in the rain.

[] Kiss underwater
[] - Knit a sweater/gloves/socks

[x] - Meet a road accident. (not a MAJOR one :P)
[] - Get admitted in hospital for not something very serious. :P

[x] - Sing a song in front of an audience.

[] - Learn to ballroom dance, properly.

[] Switch off my phone for a month

[] Sleep in an igloo

[] Sleep in a tree house

[] Grow old with someone I love.

[] - Give mother a dozen of red roses, and tell her ILY.

I'll keep updating it here, as I come across more stuff I want to do before I die. :3